ONE
SHADE OF GREY!!!
So here we have Judy Garland's Dorothy,
Toto, the Tin man, the Lion and the Scarecrow. All skipping down the
roads of the land we knew as Oz. The original movie was done in
black and white which was standard film back in those days. Every
scene, no matter how joyous or terrifying all appeared grey. Sorta
gloomy. I mean can you even pay a person in today's modern society to
sit and watch that movie? Of course not, folks want some color in
their movies. They want some form of difference that will penetrate
beyond one's imagination. We demand clarity. We want realistic
truths, when it benefits our own perceptions.
We don't want wicked witches, nefarious
flying monkeys, dwarf size oompa loompas, nor fictitious wizards with
UN-veridical intentions. No! Like Dorothy I just want to go home.
Thou I realize that clicking my rhino three times just wont get me
there. Truth is, I tried it and trust me it just don’t work the way
it did in that movie.
I had a visit from a friend that I saw for
the first time since knowing her. Our conversations reach all areas
within current topic, including the much hyped mommie-porn novel,
“Fifty shades of Grey. “She thought it was very erotic, Not that
she deceived herself into thinking it was her truth, whether that
such a tale could possibly be anyone's truth. That such things could
even exist was 'interesting' to her.
I didn't have fifty shades of grey to tell
her. I , nor what I had to say would stimulate anyone form of sexual
erotica. What I did have then, was 'A' idea. One truth, one shade of
grey in that my existence here on Texas Death Row, will not have the
happy ending that was seen in the movie. 'the wizard of Oz. 'No
matter how my kismet play itself out, the damage was done, and within
my being I shall always have that shade of grey embedded within me.
Back in 1999 I was sent to Angola
penitentiary even thou no one knew why. I was housed in a area known
as Raven D-Camp, where they dept some of the worst inmates. For the
most part, it was as rough as advertise. But I can also admit that
their living conditions were just that, living. They had access to
Tvs, Clean living areas that was cleaned daily to kill germs and
bacteria, way better foods that was being state issued as well
available to purchase on their commissary, daily outside recreation
where the sun could kiss inmates with its rays-allowing inmates to
exercise and tend to their own health. If anyone (lord forbid) had
to live the rest of their lives as an inmate then I saw first hand
how inmates are suppose to live and be treated.
Fast forward to Polunsky Unit's Death Row.
Where contrary to our loved ones and supporters thinkings: we don’t
have access to any TV, but just think about that for a moment. Many
of you cant live without watching TV daily. You all cant live without
the internet, iphones, and other devices that entertain your eyes
interest.
Medically and theoretically speaking, it is
a known fact that many of the illnesses that cripples the human body
is contributing to the lack of exercise and unhealthy eating.
Recreation here means that you will be put into a cage bigger than a
cell, surrounded with not one piece of equipment than can enchance
one's health. Any exercise a inmate does comes from his own
imagination and determination. (NOTE: Texas female death row inmates
do have all the things that the male death row don’t, i.e. Tvs,
exercise machines, better served foods and etc....) But even that,
can only go so far. There are more men here that suffers from
diabetes, heart problems, frailness, and multiple respiratory issues
that can not be treated by the current outdated medical care system
that is now forcing inmates to pay $100 just to see a nurse.
I've been on death row for 12 ½ years
now. And I have been restricted from any human touch since then.
Human beings need to interact with one another to feel human, to
stimulate hope and happiness. To Deprive any human from such is very
draconian. We are a touchy feely human race, can any of you imagine
you existence where you would go 13 years, 20 years, or longer
without hugging someone? Without kissing your loved ones? Without
simply holding hands?
How many of you wash your clothes inside of
your toilet? Yes that bucket like devise that lays within the area of
your bathroom that is used by you to release yourself of the #1 or
#2s? For whatever reason, this unit refuses to wash death row inmates
clothing. We are responsible of doing so ourselves. Or risk the
embarrassment of smelling like spoiled milk.
Speaking of bathrooms/ I make a challenge
to all that is reading these words right now to go lock themselves
with their bathrooms and stay there for a week, a month, a year
straight.... never coming out, can you do this with out going insane?
If you want to know how it must feel to be stranded on Texas Death
Row that is a good place to start. Perhaps then you will see the
shades of grey that we here see everyday.
I overheard this guy saying that his pen
pal was wondering why she had not heard from him in a long while. I
know that this guy's family disowned him. He has no income coming in,
so how in the hell did she want him to write to her. See nothing here
is free,, don't be lied to by these cloak and dagger feigned anti
death penalty organizations that tell you Texas Death Row inmates has
this or that. For the sole purpose of your giving your money to their
organization. If inmates are going to write, somebody has to buy the
paper, the ink, the envelopes and the stamps. Its just that simple
folks, Nothing here is free. If we want soap, we have to buy it, if
we want clean underwear, we have to buy it, if we want stamps to
write our attorneys an supporters, you guessed it, we have to buy it
too. But all Texas inmates are restricted to their cells and not
allowed to work.
In the movie, The Wizard of Oz, the Tin man
wanted a heart, and in many ways I wish I had the heart to stand up
against all the tyranny that is inflicted upon every male on Texas
Death Row= day in and day out. The Lion wanted courage, and I too
wish I had the courage to wake from my iron bunk and become that
civil rights warrior that so many before me were that influenced real
change. The Scarecrow wanted knowledge and wisdom... a brain, so that
he wouldn't always feel stupid in areas that seemed 'grey'. I wish I
knew how to make the world see the unjust ways these people here are
treating us. To illustrate just how inhumane solitary confinement
really is here on Texas Death Row.
I wish that I could awake to a new day where
my world isn't. “one shade of grey” where I can enjoy the
ticklish joys of what come from seeing some Red, Green, Blue, Yellow,
Barney purple, orange. Pink. Brown and so forth. Colors that
represent happiness and joys, Colors that for me would represent my
freedom! Colors that would wash away all the grey that I now harbor
inside/
Written by Charles Mamou May 2012
http://charlesmamou.wordpress.com
